she speaks to me now, a memory of rain and lemons.
she loves me like i never known love before and
i cry for the years i spent cursing her name.
‘ love yourself darling cause nobody gonna love you the way you wanna be loved
the way you outta be loved
love yourself and love others the way they deserve to be loved
never love like a man
that aint love
men love by taking pieces of you
put you in a plastic bag
under the bed
stick you on the bottom of his shiny shoe
and if he really love you he gonna lay you on his lap
wrap his fist with sandpaper and file you down real good
love yourself darling
and demand to be loved the way you outta be loved’
At midnight I walked outside to only be greeted by the moon.
I held a stone against my heart and faced the direction of my birth.
And with the moon as my light and my guide, I walked away.
the wind against my cheek
couldn’t be softer than your
name on the tip of my tongue
as a soft sigh leaves the
comfort of my lips
Holding fingertips we walked in a fog of harsh yellow street lights along blacked out windows.
Holding fingertips we danced with autumn leaves, light on our toes, floating.
Holding fingertips you told me you’d never done this before, never been this bold.
Holding fingertips I told you my truth and you did not run.
I wanna fall
deep into the crevices of caves
right way it should be
you love me?
if you want
like God loved his only son
to give birth
Your farther lies beneath the hard soil, nothing but bones and wisps of hair. The dark coloured cheeks that never could quite widen enough for a smile no more. The hand he tightly gripped the belt that stroked your back until the air was saturated with the smell of copper now a distant past.
Your farther still sits in an armchair in the conner. The buttons on his shirt strain and groan with every twist. Tentatively you sat on the floor beside the empty sofa, carefully breathing as not to disturb the rats underneath the floor board. To this day you don’t look directly into those cold, unwavering eyes.
Your father looks after his 4 children and you stopped waiting by the phone many years ago. His deep soft voice not a memory you can quite forget. The way he would tell you he loved you, and in that moment your farther had 5 children. His existence forever etched on your face.